The Pregnancy Panic

By Bianca*, 18, Contributor

Originally Published: Feb 2, 2005

Revised: Nov 15, 2010

As my calculus teacher scribbles tangled equations on the chalkboard before me and my fellow juniors, I try to calculate how many days into my period I was when I lost my virginity. Was I in the second week? Maybe day 20?

If the sperm can live for three to six days inside of me and my egg was traveling at a constant rate toward wherever it goes to be fertilized, could I be pregnant now? It's like an impossible math problem on a final exam, only I have far more at stake than a decent grade.

Photo by Emma Lincoln Pattee

Calculus & Pregnancy

While my teacher's back is turned, my friend Jill leans over to me and whimpers, "Oh my god, Bianca, I am going to die this week! We have the calc test on Tuesday, then I have my English paper and the bio lab report due Wednesday!" She grimaces at me, sighs noisily, then drops her head into her hands.

I ignore her. I want to tell her how easy life would be if all I had to worry about was cramming for calculus and finding a thesis for an essay.

I want to tell her I think I might be pregnant. That no matter how I calculate it, one night of sex plus a disregard for protection inevitably equals fertilization. That probably, as we sit here in class, the first few cells of a human being are developing inside of me. A baby.

I want to tell her how the thought of kissing my boyfriend makes me dry heave; he infuriates and repulses me. My voice develops a monotone chill whenever I speak to him on the phone. He doesn't have to worry about going to class or playing lacrosse a few months from now, when his stomach is the size of a backpack, but I do.

Longing to Tell

I want to curl up on Jill's couch and spill to her that instead of researching secondary sources for the lab report, I've been reading up on pregnancy tests, morning-after pills and abortions. Last night, I locked my bedroom door, buried myself under a comforter and opened up my calc textbook—behind which I had hidden one of the sex ed guides from my puberty days.

I long to explain my undercover trip to a chain pharmacy where I bought a pregnancy test. I read the instructions while hidden alone in a coffee-shop bathroom, then stuffed the plastic indicator into a deep, dark, zippered compartment in my purse, until I would be far enough along in my cycle to use it.

All of these things I want to confess, but don't. Getting pregnant at 17 seems so messy. In the eyes of my parents, their friends and even my friends, it signifies poor planning, sloppiness and loose morals. Pregnant is not sexy and cool.

Even my closest friends wouldn't understand. The virgins would be horrified and condescending. The ones who have "done it" would see me as incompetent, as having bungled the first hurdle of womanhood by not planning enough in advance. My boyfriend? He'd think me immature and a liability, a bother, a nuisance or so I told myself in my panicked and paranoid state.

Confessions

With my secret fear keeping me tossing at night, I pray for a red stain to appear. Eventually, it does, to my great and intense relief, but what comes to light later is even more relieving and revealing than the menstrual blood.

I discover my concern had not been unique. My friend Rachel calls me a week later, her voice high and strained, and demands I "come over. Right. Now." Sitting cross-legged on her bed and looking anywhere but at me, she explains that she and Brian had sex recently, and now her period is late. "But I'm on the Pill, so I shouldn't be, you know. . . But what should I do, Bianca? What if I am?" Rachel laments.

Over a midnight spill-session the following month, Jill confesses that she and her boyfriend lived in a state of panic after they lost their virginity to one another, despite using protection. Convinced she had accidentally become pregnant, Jill only started breathing again after a test at the gynecologist's office proved she was fetus-free.

Vanessa phones me in tears. For the last 12 hours, she has not stopped vomiting and has suffered stomach-wrenching, body-shaking cramps from taking the morning-after pill.

Fearing that although her boyfriend pulled out, she could still have gotten pregnant, she went to Planned Parenthood and, without telling her mom, boyfriend or any friend but me, took the anti-pregnancy pill. Although plagued by the temporary discomfort, Vanessa was relieved to have cast off the burden of doubt, concern and fear.

Rite of Passage

My first experience with sex thrilled me, stressed me, and informed me. As I realized later, the dark, lonely period of pregnancy-paranoia and shame that I endured was practically a rite of passage of sex, almost as normal and universal among my friends as the physical pain we endured our first times.

But sex doesn't have to be tinged with regret. After my period of panic, I got a prescription for the Pill to ward off pregnancy and anxiety.

Bianca is a pseudonym for an 18-year-old contributor who lives in Oregon.

Your Comments

RE: 14 yrs old and pregnant???

Posted by: SexExpert1 on Sep 7th, 2010 8:53am

You cannot get pregnant from swallowing semen. Semen must be
ejaculated in the vagina or on the vaginal opening for a
pregnancy to be possible. However, semen is one of the
bodily fluids that carries STDs so it is possible to get an
STD from unprotected oral sex, which is why using a condom
is so important.

14 yrs old and pregnant???

Posted by: Abbey London! on Sep 4th, 2010 8:38pm

Me and my boyfriend were fooling around and I gave him a
blow job and I accidentially swallowed his sperm, is it
possible to get pregnant that way???

Re: Not too Certain: Again

Posted by: LesleyE on Jul 13th, 2010 4:16pm

Some women find that they experience nausea, vomiting,
headaches, spotting or a full period after taking it, other
women feel completely normal and do not start their period
until their normal day. There is always a chance of being
pregnant after having unprotected sex, or sex where your
method of birth control failed, however, you took Plan B
well within the recommended time. To be completely certain
however, it never hurts to either take an at home pregnancy
test or to visit your doctor or a

Not To Certain: Again

Posted by: S.C on Jun 29th, 2010 10:14am

Thanks for the reply. I took plan B less than 24 hours after
sex last Wednesday. It is now 6 days later and no period. My
period is due in 2 days. I had symptoms right after taking
Plan B. Right now, I have a headache and stomachache. Could
I be pregnant?

RE: Not Too Certain

Posted by: DanR on Jun 24th, 2010 1:16pm

It sounds to me like if there was nothing in the condom,
then he probably did not ejaculate. If he had ejaculated,
it seems unlikely that all of the semen would get out and
for there to be nothing left in the condom (especially since
you tested it with water afterwards). If there was no
semen, then there is no pregnancy. I hope that helps!

RE: help asap

Posted by: DanR on Jun 24th, 2010 1:12pm

I know it can be very confusing, so let's start by clearing
up the facts. A penis does NOT have to go into a vagina to
start a pregnancy. If sperm gets into the vagina (even if
it is on the labia and drips into the vagina) that can be
enough to start a pregnancy. If you suspect you might be
pregnant, you may want to buy a pregnancy test at your local
pharmacy (like CVS or Walgreens) ASAP. You can also have a
pregnancy test done at a local clinic. Check out the get
tested section for more info.

Not Too Certain

Posted by: S.C on Jun 22nd, 2010 4:17pm

So, my boyfriend and I had sex. With a condom. But, the
condom didn't break or anything, but he usually pulls out
when he's about to ejaculate (with the condom on, of course)
He told me he was almost there and pulled out, but when we
looked, the condom was empty. No ejaculate in sight. How
could this be? We filled the condom with water and no leak
was present. He doesn't remember if he ejaculated or not.
Could I be pregnant?

help asap

Posted by: babygirl202 on Jun 21st, 2010 11:19pm

my bf and i have done things but never intercourse.he came
near my clothes and had his hand by my vigina in my pants at
the same time.his private part was near my clothing tip.idk
if i missed my period and im really nervous and scared.i
think i am pregnant could it be possible that i am? help me
im really scared.a friend said its not true that i cant get
pregnant unless he goes inside me is that the truth...please
help i dont know what to do i am a nervouswrek

Re: so scared

Posted by: CJT on Jan 19th, 2010 2:03pm

Condoms are highly effective at reducing the risk of
pregnancy, so if the condom was used correctly then there is
not a huge risk that you're describing. Ejaculate would need
to get into your vagina for there to be a pregnancy risk. If
you get your period, you will have assurance that you are
not pregnant. If your period is late or you miss it, you can
take a pregnancy test (you'll need to wait about 2 weeks
from the risk) to find out for sure if you are pregnant.

So scared

Posted by: Speak out on Jan 14th, 2010 6:20pm

Me and my boyfriend had sex on the 5th. He was wearing a
condom and it didnt go in far at all but i kno that he did
cum a little bit. My period is due on the 16th and today is
the 14th. I read up on early pregnancy symptoms as in
fatigue, cramping, sore breasts, and moodiness. I have all
of those symptoms. Is it becuz my period is coming up or am
i pregnant?