Pregnant and Confused: How to Deal

By Gregg Bernhardt, 17, Staff Writer

Originally Published: Feb 24, 2004

Revised: Dec 20, 2007

When Katherine Rolon found out she was pregnant, her first thought was, "My mother is going to kill me."

She was so afraid to tell her parents about her pregnancy that she kept it a secret for weeks. A close friend finally told Katherine's mother for her.

Photo by Dan Strange

 "I was afraid I wouldn't have my mom's support and that's what I needed most,'' says Katherine, 18.

Her mother's reaction surprised her. She didn't freak out or kick Katherine out of the house.

"My mom left it up to me," says Katherine. "She said she would support me in whatever I decided. My dad supported me, too. Having that support gave me the courage to keep my baby."

Afraid to Tell

Pregnancy, whether accidental or planned, can be totally scary, especially if you're afraid your parents will disown you or your friends will drop you. But some pregnant teens discover that their family and friends are the best place to turn when they have a major problem like pregnancy.

And it's better than having something terrible happen. Babies of teen mothers are more likely than others to be killed during the first year of life, according to a National Institute of Child Health and Human Development study. Researchers think part of the reason is some teens are so afraid they hide the pregnancy and birth.

While it's totally natural to be afraid to tell someone about your pregnancy, keeping this major secret isn't the answer. You could end up hurting yourself and your baby. That's why it's really important for you to talk to your parents if you become pregnant, says Lee Doyle, Ph.D., a professor at the University of Arkansas College of Medicine.

Talk to Someone

But what if, for some reason, it's absolutely impossible for you to talk to your parents?

Look for another trusted adult—an aunt or uncle, older cousin, a friend of your parents, a neighbor, grandparents, or other relatives, advises Doyle, who has worked with pregnant teens for 25 years. Or, how about a teacher, guidance counselor, pastor, or school nurse? If there's no one you know and trust, then turn to a reputable community organization, says Doyle.

"Planned Parenthood's local clinics are well-known to be teen friendly,'' she says, adding that they charge only what you can afford to pay and they keep quiet about your visit.

You can also find out if your school has a clinic or counseling center. Or, you can check in the phone book under "Pregnancy Counseling" or "Crisis Pregnancy Counseling," advises Doyle. These centers can help you look at all your options—abortion, adoption, and parenting.

But be careful. Some centers have their own agendas—usually to talk you out of having an abortion, if that's what you're considering.

Ads for these types of counseling centers generally use words like "abortion education information" or "abortion alternatives." If you know absolutely that you don't want an abortion, then you can use these centers. They'll provide information on parenting and adoption. Otherwise, steer clear.

Katherine says her life is different now that she's a parent. But she's still happy she talked to her parents and friends about her pregnancy.

"My mother has been the most supportive person in my life," says Katherine.

For help in finding pregnancy counseling or contraception, call Planned Parenthood at 1-800-230-PLAN (7526) or click here. They also have a guide for helping you figure out what to do if you become pregnant. Check it out here.

Am I Pregnant?

Usually, the first clue that you might be pregnant is missing your period, although you can miss a period because of illness, stress, or major changes in your life. It’s also possible to have a light period and still be pregnant. Other common signs of pregnancy are sore or tender breasts, nausea and vomiting, having to urinate frequently, and fatigue.

You may have any or all of these signs or none. Everyone's different. That's why it's important to have a pregnancy test as soon as you miss your first period or if you've had a lighter-than-normal period and are experiencing other signs of pregnancy. The most private way to do that is with an at-home pregnancy test. These kits, available at most drugstores, generally let you take the test as early as the day after you were supposed to get your period.

If the test is positive, you should see your doctor or go to a clinic that provides pregnancy testing and pre-natal care. They can confirm your pregnancy and help you explore your options.

Editors' Note: If you've had unprotected sex and think you might be pregnant, you can get emergency contraception that can prevent pregnancy even after having unprotected sex. But you have to act quickly. Emergency contraception must be taken within 5 days of unprotected intercourse. For more info, call the Emergency Contraception Hotline at 1-888-NOT-2-LATE (668-2528) or click here.

Some helpful Web sites for pregnant teens are www.momdadimpregnant.com and www.menandabortion.com.

 

Your Comments

RE: scared

Posted by: DanR on Oct 6th, 2008 2:50pm

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I
think that the best thing to do right now is talk to a
trusted adult in your life and get some help. It can be a
parent, a teacher, a guidance counselor, a coach, or even a
faith leader. This is not something you should go through
alone. Also, take a look at the web sites linked above or
call the National Teen Emergency Hotline at 1-800-448-3000.
They will have people there that you can speak with. Hang
in there!

scared

Posted by: xxkeanexx101 on Oct 6th, 2008 11:29am

i am pregant now and i really dont no wat to do i no if i
keep it the person i am with will just deny it and walk away
wen i told him he just gave me the money to get it done the
clinic i am going to said i mite not be able to have the
pill and have to have the surgical one i am really scared of
that one and afraid that if i dont have it i will have to
brig up the baby on my own

RE: IM VERY SCARED

Posted by: DanR on Aug 26th, 2008 11:29am

If you had unprotected sex, it does not guarantee that you
will be pregnant. Have you missed your period? If so, have
you taken a home test or gone to a clinic and to get tested?
The only way to know for sure is to be tested. If you go to
a clinic, you should also consider being tested for STDs
since unprotected sex can leave you at a higher risk for
that as well. The sooner you know your status on both of
these situations, the better. Check out our get tested page
to find a clinic near you.

IM VERY SCARED

Posted by: LADI KEY on Aug 23rd, 2008 1:27am

WELL I AM 15 AND ME AND MY BF HAD UNPROTECTED SEX LIKE FIVE
DAYS AGO. BUT BEFORE THIS HAPPEN WE HAD UNPROTECED SEX LIKE
3 WEEKS AGO. I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD CUM IN ME THE SECOND TIME
HE SAID YES. AM I REALLY PREGNANT.

RE: i need help!!

Posted by: DanR on Aug 18th, 2008 10:48am

I can imagine that this must be very scary for you. The
first thing you will need to do is think about all of the
options available to you. Then you can sit your parents down
and tell them that you need to discuss these options with
them. You can also have a friend or a trusted adult there
with you when you tell them. They may freak out at first.
This will probably be a big shock to them, so give them
time. Check out this article too:
http://www.sexetc.org/story/pregnancy/4770. Good Luck!

i need help!!

Posted by: lilshaka420 on Aug 15th, 2008 12:05pm

im 13 and me and my bf decided to have sex. normally we use
a condom but he didnt have any. i just found out that i am 3
weeks pregnant and i dont know what to tell my parents. im
scared that they're gonna flip. what should i do?

RE: scared,+confused.

Posted by: DanR on Aug 6th, 2008 7:43am

Today (Wednesday) would probably be the last possible day
that you could take EC if you had unprotected sex on
Saturday. However, although the symptoms that you are
experiencing are sometimes links to pregnancy, it is not
likely that you you would be experiencing them as a result
of pregnancy for this particular encounter. It can take a
few days for the sperm to fertilize the egg and even a few
days more for the fertilized egg to attach to the wall of
the uterus. Good Luck!

scared,+confused.

Posted by: juicebabex on Aug 5th, 2008 3:48pm

i've read the above ^ and it says tender breasts and having
to urinate frequently, them two things are happening too me,
also i had un protected sex saturday night, the boy told me
he didnt cum up me, but i havnt been to family planning for
the after pill, is it too late to get it tomorrow ?

My Pregnancy

Posted by: Scoml14 on Jul 9th, 2008 4:36pm

I'm 14 now and I am pregnant. My parents and I are working
on a way I can tell my boyfriend. They were disapointed but
were proud that I handled my situation responsibly and told
them ASAP. I am keeping the baby and my parents have agreed
to take care of the baby while I'm at school and to pay for
the baby needs. I you tell them, things will turn out for
the best.

Scared too

Posted by: dawnanderic on Dec 27th, 2007 2:21pm

My bf and I want to start a family now and I know I could do
it.Ive taken care of my brothers+mom since i was 8.we want a
child.we love each other alotI know if I ever became
pregnant right now(since Im 16+bf is older)my dad well
stepdad would hate me,he already told me he'd beat the hell
out of the guy and disown me.My mom said she would support
me but I dont believe her one bit.I know my mom and I know
my stepdad and I know that they would disown me and the kid
maybe not forever but forlong ti

You Must Be Logged In to Comment

Click here to become a member

Login