“Make sure you know your partner. You might think he or she is perfect. But they might have a sexual history before you, and they are too shy to let it out.”
—Joshua, 17, New Jersey
Sex with Seniors: No Fairy Tale for Freshmen
Originally Published: Sep 2, 2004
Revised: Sep 7, 2007
A few days ago, as I was standing in the lunch line to purchase one of my school’s delicious platters of toxic waste, two freshmen girls stood behind me, talking.
I wasn’t really paying attention to their conversation (I’m really not the type to eavesdrop), but what one of the girls said really caught my attention. Her exact words were: “I don’t really want to do it, but he’s a senior, so if I do, it’ll make him and other seniors like me.”
No Picnic
 Élan, 17 |
Now, I know they could have been talking about anything (maybe she didn’t want to help him cheat on a test or something simple like that), but the tone in her voice made me believe “it” was something sexual.
I don’t know why, but suddenly I felt extremely angry at her. Why would she think that she had to do anything for someone just because he’s a senior? Why did she feel it was so important to have the seniors like her anyway? I couldn’t understand her reasoning until I thought back to when I was a freshman and desperate for the same acceptance of the allegedly larger-than-life upperclassmen.
No Picnic
For freshmen, the abrupt transition from eighth to ninth grade is already hard enough, with the drastic change in homework. On top of that, supposedly you’re automatically at the bottom of the social ladder. So now you’re a prime target for humiliation from anyone who can say they’ve been in high school longer than you, which, unfortunately, is everyone.
It’s a common misconception that the only way to avoid this humiliation and being branded an outcast is to give in to the pressure to have sex.
There are so many freshmen in my school who feel that it is a social taboo to turn down the advances of seniors; they feel it will leave them friendless their entire high-school career. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Seniors—or anyone else—do not have the right to take advantage of you just because you are new to the school.
Unfortunately, many seniors count on freshmen girls to be too intimidated by them to say “no” to sex. Some girls agree to have sex or perform oral sex, hoping that the next day in school that senior will wave to them in the hallway or invite them to sit at their lunch table. Then, they’ll be one of the “cool” freshmen with a bunch of senior friends, and everything will be perfect.
Sadly, the reality of the situation is not a fairy tale. More likely, a freshman will agree to have sex with a senior, and the next time the two people pass each other in school, it will be as though the girl doesn’t even exist. He’ll walk right past her without saying “hello” or even making eye contact. She’ll just be known as another freshman he conquered.
Freshmen guys reading this may think that this doesn’t apply to them, but that’s not the case. Both girls and guys deal with pressure from their peers. A freshman guy may feel he has to get involved with a lot of girls, because he thinks that is the only way to win the approval of male seniors.
Aftermath
So, what happens when freshmen give in to sexual pressure? There can be long-lasting effects after casual sexual encounters, especially if two partners didn’t use protection. If they had oral, vaginal, or anal sex without it, one of the partners could get pregnant or get a sexually transmitted disease.The effects are not just physical, though. If teens start thinking that the only reason seniors want to be their friend is to have sex, their self-esteem will plummet. They might just think that seniors only like them for the “sexual benefits.” It’s important to understand that if two people truly want to be friends, they accept each other for their personalities.
Not All Bad
I’m not saying that all seniors are evil and you should avoid them like the plague. I’m sure you’ll meet some really great seniors who honestly want to be your friend or date you, and you should try to hang around those types of people.
I know that being a freshman can be, for lack of a better word, scary. But don’t let that fear allow you to make decisions you may regret later in your life. There is no rule that says you have to have sex once you enter high school.
Don’t let others dictate when you’re ready to have sex or do anything else. Wait until you are certain that you’re ready and you’re not doing it so people will like you or just to fit in.
Saying “no” to something you’re not comfortable with won’t turn you into an outcast. It will show people that you’re not some naive freshman they can pressure, and they will respect you for that. And even if you’re labeled an outcast, the people who will actually make great friends won’t care about some unimportant label.
High school can be a fun experience, as long as you take it at your own pace. And before you realize it, you’ll be a senior, remembering how foolish it was for you to be scared.
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Your Comments
completely true
Posted by: renegadesgirl7 on Dec 6th, 2007 8:39pm
every year in my high school, a group of freshman girls is
targeted.. usually about four of them, and they are known as
the "fab four." the popular senior boys pick them, and
during the first few weeks, they make bets and see who can
have sex with one/all of them first. my freshman year, i was
one of them.. but fortunately i didn't give in to the
pressure and didn't have sex with any of them. my best
friend did, however, and she regrets it to this day.
senior/freshman relationships
Posted by: scrmsumthnprtty00 on Dec 6th, 2007 1:14pm
when i was a freshman in highschool i started dating a
senior and its been 3 years since then and were still
together and have an awesome relationship we actually live
together now and our life is great bc we have eachother so
not all senior guys just to have sex but this article does
make alot of sense,just be careful with what guy/guys you
choose to date bc their not all alike and plenty of people
will like you for you and not for sleeping with
upperclassmen
hmm
Posted by: WastedYears on Nov 7th, 2007 3:56am
i'm at my final collage year and i have to say i've recieved
many requests to perform sexual contact with many
freshmen..but i always refused and that made my reputation
get higher and higher :)
Hmm...
Posted by: the-leaky-pen on Sep 10th, 2007 7:34pm
Maybe I'm just oblivious, but I never saw that kind of
senior-freshman dynamic going on in any of my years in high
school. I'm a (supposedly) worldly senior now and I still
don't see it. It's an interesting article, though...
Not a good Idea
Posted by: qtipqueen on Sep 9th, 2007 1:27pm
When I was a freshman, I made the mistake of having a sexual
relationship with a senior. It was a huge mistake and ruined
my reputation. Now I'm a freshman in college and looking
back I can't help but to think, Why would a senior boy who
is 18 or 17 want a 14 year old girl? In high school 3 years
is a huge age difference. Girls, take your time with boys,
especially older ones. High school won't last forever, but
you have to live with your memories and self-esteem forever!
Please just think!
HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!: Response
Posted by: StacieS on Aug 13th, 2007 12:37pm
There's a lot going on here. Log on on Monday nights from
5pm - 9pm for our Chat so that you can talk about all this
with a sexuality expert. I really hope that you are taking
steps to take care of yourself both emotionally and
physically. If this is not the relationship you want, then I
hope you can find the strength to end it. And please make an
appointment with a clinic or doctor to check out your health
status. Unprotected sex has too many risks... Take care!
help.. continued.
Posted by: cnfusedaboutluv10 on Aug 12th, 2007 9:26pm
we did. I rrly am still not over my ex and i cry everynight
because he's not here. i know i'm too young to be in love..
but i think he's perfect. but the fact that i had sex with
the one highschool that gets around alot, and it was un
protected... i rlly got scared.
WHAT DO I DO???
help.. continued.
Posted by: cnfusedaboutluv10 on Aug 12th, 2007 9:25pm
attention.. but i'm not..
finally i was at my friends house
after we went to the club and we all ahd been drinking and
the guy i slept with is best friends with my friends older
brother. when i was there he pulled me aside and tried to
get on me.. i said no but he kinda forced me to. finally my
friend walked in and saw what he was doing to me and she
took pictures so she rlly saved me and my rep. of comming
into highschool as being the girl who started a rumor, but
now ppl know it's true what
help.. continued.
Posted by: cnfusedaboutluv10 on Aug 12th, 2007 9:23pm
make my x boyfriend(who will also be a senior this year)
jealous. I was in love with guy but my age got in the way. I
am young for my age and i will be a freshman this year..
when i lost my virginity i was 13 years old and he was 17.
we have had sex since May and i keep going back to him
because i see my ex with other girls, and happy. i can't
stand that i am miserable without him and he's over me. The
guy i had sex with also denies everything so i turned into a
little freshman trying to get
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Re: completely true
Posted by: uncertainfreak on Apr 20th, 2008 6:26pm
That must have sucked, especially when you found out about
the "fab four" thing. I wonder if most high schools are like
that.. Anyway, considering my um, reputation, i wouldnt be
suprised if i were one of them next year(when ill be in high
school). What would suck even more, my sister is gonna be a
junior and shed be calling me a slut and whore more often(i
honestly dont know why she calls me that in the first
place). She would tell my parents, and then thered be a big
battlefield in OUR bedroom