Is it OK for two close friends to have some sexual fun together, safe and secure in the comfort of each other's familiar arms? Or will sex ruin the friendship?

Photo by Ana Bacic

These are questions lots of teens struggle with, as many of us shy away from steady relationships, but still like to have a little physical affection every once in awhile.

Like most things in life, "friends with benefits" has its pros and cons.

Open Discussion

First, the health thing. Whenever two people have oral, vaginal, or anal sex, there is a risk of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). If you know a person really well, you're probably more comfortable talking about the sensitive stuff, like sexual history and current health status. So that could be a plus in the friends with benefits relationship.

Perhaps more importantly, good friends may be more likely to talk about and use protection—condoms and another form of birth control—so that lowers the risk of both STDs and pregnancy. (Of course, we should be doing this no matter who we're having sex with.) Also, in a friendly relationship you would want to look out for your partner's health, as well as your own.

Emotional Baggage

The stickier questions come from the emotional side. Is it safer emotionally to have sex with a confidant, rather than someone you've recently met or someone you really have the hots for?

"Getting that intimate and close always carries emotional baggage that complicates friendships" says Rebecca, 16, of Boulder, CO. "With friends, you see them all the time, so you're more inclined to get complicated reactions, because you generally care about one another."

Plus, sex often changes feelings. So you might start out as friends, but once you experience that kind of intimacy, things can change.

"Not every one is honest and one might be more vulnerable emotionally than the other," says Mary Jo Podgurski, RNC, president of Academy for Adolescent Health, in Washington, PA. That paves the way for hurt feelings—and maybe the end of a friendship.

On the other hand, both friends might discover that they really want to be more than "friends with benefits," and a relationship might develop.

Another risk is that since you're "just friends," you'll probably feel you can date other people. This could work, if both partners really look at this as a friendship. But sex often changes things. And one or the other might discover they feel a little jealous when their "friend with benefits" dates someone else. Also, the other people you're dating may not be so understanding about the "friends" thing.

"That could upset someone who genuinely likes the other person," says Podgurski. "And that ultimately can end up ruining physical and emotional relationships with other people you are seeing," adds Rebecca.

Big Questions

Many teens ultimately say that a "friends with benefits" relationship really depends on how the close the bond between the two friends is, how mature they are, and how well they deal with the situation.

Teens going into these relationships should ask: Are they honest with each other? Do they talk about their feelings? Can they set boundaries, limits, and expectations in the relationship? Will they feel comfortable telling the other person if their feelings change and they want to be more than friends?

"A lot depends on the depth of the relationship," says Jose, 17, of Chula Vista, CA.

If things do go wrong, remember, you risk losing a friendship, as well as a relationship.

"It's a friend, so it's going to be harder to shake than a casual relationship," say Podgurski. "Once we fall away from friendship, it's hard to recapture."