“Don't worry and panic and force yourself to fit into a size zero. Is that even possible? Zero? What the…?”
—Shahira, 15, MS
Masturbation: Girls, Let's Admit It
Originally Published: Mar 17, 2005
Revised: Feb 26, 2007
It's freshman year. I look pretty awkward in a shirt that has something suggestive spelled out on it, and I'm hoping my padded bra will really work its over-priced wonders.
Ana Bacic
Photo by Pryde Brown
I'm with a group of classmates, several of them boys who are bragging about their bimonthly shaving and daily jerking-off ritual. Their last comment elicits "ewws" from us girls, since we're expected to act grossed out while they glorify their adolescent sexuality.
Eventually, one of the boys asks us if we ever "pet our bunnies" (what a poet!). We hesitate for a moment. We look in each other's eyes for an answer: Would it be OK to say, "Hell yes, we masturbate"? Instead, we blabber in unison, "No, that's so disgusting!" They knew from the start that we'd say no, because, well, girls just don't masturbate.
It took me two years to proudly say, "Yea, I masturbate," and to wonder why it was wrong for us girls to admit to doing something that feels so amazingly good. Masturbation doesn't make us blind. It doesn't hurt. And it certainly does not make us pregnant.
Boy, was I wrong. A lot of us masturbate. We all know what's down there, and I'm sure a majority of us know what a clitoris looks like. (If you don't, play some good tunes, grab a mirror, and check yourself out. It won't hurt and it's not dirty. We all do this sometime or another.) A lot of us also know that touching ourselves near the clitoris will provoke some great sensations. Some of us have been doing this since our preteen years, while others take longer to get the hang of it.
Masturbation is a great way to relieve stress and sexual buildup. Plus, it's a private, intimate way to achieve orgasm without risking pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease. When you are ready for sex, masturbation can help you learn what parts of your body are the most responsive, and what moves feel the best
I'm sure we're all familiar with the sexual double standards. A boy who has frequent sex is called a "stud," and his male associates look up to him. (While a girl, we know, is called a "slut.") It's less surprising for a man to cheat on his partner, and it's common belief that men just have a raging sexuality that can't be restrained.
But just because guys need to live up to a pumped-up standard of aggressive sexuality doesn't mean that we have to be the polar opposite—meek, naïve, and sexually submissive. Just because guys need to prove and glorify their manhood through one-night stands, that doesn't mean we have to suffer from these exaggerated expectations.
Girls have bodies, too. We have the ability to orgasm (and multiple orgasm: compensation for having only a peanut-sized clitoris). And for too long we've been forced into silence and guilt about discovering and enjoying our sexuality. I'm coming out of this position, because I've realized that I'm only contributing to this suppression of my sexual expression by being silent, guilt-ridden, and shamefaced.
So, let's shock ourselves. Let's shock those oh-so-sexually liberated men, and admit, proudly and confidently, that we don't need another person to feel good about our bodies. Let's admit that we're strong enough, brave enough, and confident enough to not fear a taboo that works against us.
My name is Ana Bacic, and if it weren't for all those gorgeous men and women out there, I'd probably be in a monogamous relationship with myself.
Photo by Pryde Brown
I'm with a group of classmates, several of them boys who are bragging about their bimonthly shaving and daily jerking-off ritual. Their last comment elicits "ewws" from us girls, since we're expected to act grossed out while they glorify their adolescent sexuality.
Eventually, one of the boys asks us if we ever "pet our bunnies" (what a poet!). We hesitate for a moment. We look in each other's eyes for an answer: Would it be OK to say, "Hell yes, we masturbate"? Instead, we blabber in unison, "No, that's so disgusting!" They knew from the start that we'd say no, because, well, girls just don't masturbate.
It took me two years to proudly say, "Yea, I masturbate," and to wonder why it was wrong for us girls to admit to doing something that feels so amazingly good. Masturbation doesn't make us blind. It doesn't hurt. And it certainly does not make us pregnant.
Not the Only Girl
When I first started masturbating, I felt like I was doing something wrong, something "unnatural." It was as if I was ashamed of what I was doing, even though I enjoyed it tremendously in the moment. None of my girlfriends talked about it, and everyone made it seem like girls didn't masturbate. I thought I was the only girl doing it.Boy, was I wrong. A lot of us masturbate. We all know what's down there, and I'm sure a majority of us know what a clitoris looks like. (If you don't, play some good tunes, grab a mirror, and check yourself out. It won't hurt and it's not dirty. We all do this sometime or another.) A lot of us also know that touching ourselves near the clitoris will provoke some great sensations. Some of us have been doing this since our preteen years, while others take longer to get the hang of it.
Masturbation is a great way to relieve stress and sexual buildup. Plus, it's a private, intimate way to achieve orgasm without risking pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease. When you are ready for sex, masturbation can help you learn what parts of your body are the most responsive, and what moves feel the best
Shock Yourself
So, what's stopping us? Why do we feel ashamed to explore our own bodies, and actually feel really, really great in the process? Moreover, why are we afraid to admit that we masturbate?I'm sure we're all familiar with the sexual double standards. A boy who has frequent sex is called a "stud," and his male associates look up to him. (While a girl, we know, is called a "slut.") It's less surprising for a man to cheat on his partner, and it's common belief that men just have a raging sexuality that can't be restrained.
But just because guys need to live up to a pumped-up standard of aggressive sexuality doesn't mean that we have to be the polar opposite—meek, naïve, and sexually submissive. Just because guys need to prove and glorify their manhood through one-night stands, that doesn't mean we have to suffer from these exaggerated expectations.
Girls have bodies, too. We have the ability to orgasm (and multiple orgasm: compensation for having only a peanut-sized clitoris). And for too long we've been forced into silence and guilt about discovering and enjoying our sexuality. I'm coming out of this position, because I've realized that I'm only contributing to this suppression of my sexual expression by being silent, guilt-ridden, and shamefaced.
So, let's shock ourselves. Let's shock those oh-so-sexually liberated men, and admit, proudly and confidently, that we don't need another person to feel good about our bodies. Let's admit that we're strong enough, brave enough, and confident enough to not fear a taboo that works against us.
My name is Ana Bacic, and if it weren't for all those gorgeous men and women out there, I'd probably be in a monogamous relationship with myself.
Editors' Note: For a guy's take on masturbation, check out "Masturbation: Guys, It's Expected," by Lex Wolfe.
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Your Comments
RE: ??
Posted by: DanR on Aug 18th, 2008 11:13am
Masturbation (or touching yourself) is a very private and
personal thing. There is no right or wrong way to feel
about. It can not harm you physically in any way, but if you
personally do not feel like it is OK for you, that is fine.
There are a lot of people who do masturbate, and a lot of
people who do not masturbate. Either way, is normal. It is
just a matter of figuring out what is right for you, and
what you are comfortable with in terms of your religion. I
hope that helps!
??
Posted by: christiangirl on Aug 16th, 2008 10:55pm
okay, i just turned 14 and ive been touching myself(i hate
the word "masturbate") for a few months. when i was 13 i
stole(i was into shoplifting for a couple months) a
vibrator. i used it and it felt good but i felt so dirty so
i threw it away. i said i wouldnt do it again but i heard
some guys talking about girls using highlighter pens so i
tried it and it felt really good. now i feel discusting.
should i feel this way? my religion is against it. and i
have/will never discuss this with my mom.
i started off young as well
Posted by: neshaboo14 on Aug 9th, 2008 9:44pm
i felt like i woulk go to hell or somthing cause i thougth
i was doing a bad thing well i still do. its like i want
to tell someone but im afraid they might laugh or think im
weird or somthing.everyone at school jokes about all that
stuf and it make me feel even worst. ever time i do it i
tell myself to stop but its like im hopeless i feel so
ashamed i started at 9 i felt like i grow up to fast and in
the worng possiable ways
Religious
Posted by: Shuree on Jul 8th, 2008 5:00pm
I'm Christian and I do it. Sometimes I feel as though I
shouldn't be doing it. I feel ashamed but,great at the same
time. I've been doing it since i was little, I didn't know
what it was called back then,but when I found out what it
was I felt weird that I had been doing it.but, I feel a
little more comfortable now.
RE: Wondering.
Posted by: DanR on Jul 8th, 2008 10:23am
Masturbation is a very personal thing, and only you
can
decide if it is right for you. It is normal if you do,
and
normal is you do not. It can't harm you in any
way
physically, but some people do have religious or
moral
beliefs that are against masturbation. I would
suggest
getting all the facts you can, and looking at your
own
beliefs and then make a decision that is right for you!
Wondering.
Posted by: PinkAndBlack on Jul 3rd, 2008 10:00pm
Im 12, (going on 13) and was wondering if I should
Masturbate or not. Id really like to know. TY ^^
*is ashamed of self*
Posted by: .nooneknows13 on Jun 19th, 2008 2:49pm
i started young, maybe 8 or 9.
not vaginal, clitoral.
me and
my younger sister one day ended up discussing it and she's
the only person that knows.
i always feel so ashamed of
myself afterwards.
and when someone asks if i do, i always
say NO and have guilty thoughts about lying.
but hey, its a
personal thing.
i dont think i'll ever be able to be open
about it.
i'll admit it...
Posted by: proud2bme16 on Jun 16th, 2008 2:05am
i do it...all the time...but of course, i'm definitely not
comfy telling anyone about it out loud...my guy friends tell
me about how they masturbate all the time and i never even
think about mentioning the fact that i do it...even when one
of them said it was ok if i did....but i think i'll
eventually reach a point when i can admit it to anyone who
asks....
I got to try this again
Posted by: JustCurious94 on May 18th, 2008 7:44pm
I've done this before in my younger days, but never got an
orgasm. Maybe i should do it a little bit softer this time.
Im a little ashamed though but im still goin to try it!!!!
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LoVE IT
Posted by: Paisa_115 on Aug 25th, 2008 12:56pm
I HTINK MASTURBATION IS GREAT IS PLEASUREABLE I FEEL GREAT
WHEN I DO IT....I SOMETIMES FEEL ASHAMED BUT IT JUST FEELS 2
GUD 2 STOP!!!!u SHOULD TRY IT :)