Orgasms, Orgasms Everywhere: But What Are They Really?

By Anna Bialek, 17, Staff Writer

Originally Published: Aug 25, 2005

Revised: Feb 26, 2007

In popular culture, having an orgasm seems to be the goal of sex. Shows like Sex and the City portray characters boasting about the number of orgasms they had in one night, the amount of times they could cum, how "intense" the climax was—orgasms, orgasms, orgasms!

Photography by Dan Strange

Some teens have never had an orgasm, despite their appearances at nearly every turn, according to Irene Peters, a sex educator who runs the Sex Information Line of Planned Parenthood of Western Washington. "That's partly because many teens don't understand what an orgasm is," says Peters.

What Is an Orgasm?

Orgasms are the climax of sexual stimulation. For both guys and girls, an orgasm consists of a series of muscle contractions in rapid succession through the pelvic region and genitals.

A woman usually reaches orgasm after stimulation in the form of rubbing or touching the clitoris, which is a small mound of nerve endings located above the opening of the vagina. When stimulated, it swells and causes pleasurable sensations. The kind of clitoral stimulation that can lead to an orgasm varies from woman to woman.

"I have never had an orgasm during vaginal sex, only during oral and manual," says Liz, 17, of Boulder, CO.

A female can also have an orgasm through stimulation of what is often called the "G-spot." Unlike the clitoris, which is outside the body, the G-spot is deep inside a woman's vagina and can be more difficult to find and stimulate. Pressure applied to the G-spot stimulates the prostate gland and the nerves on the other side of the vaginal wall. The only known function of the G-spot is to produce pleasure!

Some girls say that rubbing this spot gives them an orgasm. These orgasms sometimes deliver an ejaculation. That is, when some women cum, they spray a fluid out of the urethra—not urine—during orgasm. (Relax! You aren't peeing!)

Not every woman likes G-spot stimulation and many don't ejaculate. Some women never experience orgasm this way. (See this FAQ for more information on the G-spot.)

Men reach orgasm by rubbing or touching the penis or genitals, including the scrotum, the sac around the testicles. This repeated stimulation causes vasocongestion, an increased blood flow to the genitals, which causes the hardening of the penis and lubrication inside the vagina. The climax or orgasm comes in the form of a series of muscle contractions lasting about 10 seconds. For men, the muscle contractions generally cause ejaculation of semen.

Why Have Orgasms?

Scientists believe orgasms serve a biological function. Their primary purpose in men is to cause ejaculation, delivering the sperm to the uterus during unprotected vaginal intercourse. In women, orgasms also cause the widening of the cervical opening, which makes the sperm's passage into the uterus easier and increases the chances that the sperm will fertilize an egg and create a pregnancy.

The pleasure caused by orgasms is probably intended to make people enjoy sex and want to have it more often, increasing the chances of the survival of the species, according to Peters. "The pleasure of the experience reinforces the behavior, so people will procreate, and then bond with each other to support their offspring," Peters explains.

Of course, many people, including gay and lesbian teens and adults [and heterosexual couples, too], enjoy sex and orgasms purely for the physical and emotional intimacy it offers, without wanting to become pregnant. This has been true for centuries. Still, a lot of teens worry whether they will be able to have an orgasm and whether they'll know it when they do.

What If I Can't Have An Orgasm?

Having an orgasm can depend on several physical and emotional factors. Physical changes, like injuries, fatigue and alcohol or drug use, can affect your ability to orgasm. Some women may not have an orgasm because they aren't aroused enough. Feeling anxious, inhibited and self-conscious makes it almost impossible to relax enough to have an orgasm.

Anxiety over whether you are pleasing your partner also prevents some people from having an orgasm, Peters says. Men, for example, often worry about an inability to become erect again right after having an orgasm. While we see repeat orgasms often in the movies, the reality is that men have a "refractory period" after they cum, during which they usually can't become erect, stay erect or have another orgasm. The refractory period can last anywhere from 30 minutes to a few hours, depending on the age and health of the man. (Women, on the other hand, have no refractory period and can have multiple orgasms!)

"Too much performance anxiety can get in the way and cause premature ejaculation, impotence for men and no orgasm for women," Peters explains.

Talking to your partner about your worries can help relieve tensions. Another good approach is to enjoy a sexual encounter without making it about having an orgasm. Also remember that everyone has a different sexual response. Orgasms feel different for different people.

"The first time I had an orgasm, I didn't know what it was, but it felt good," Joshua Boone, 19, says.

"An orgasm is the most unique sensation that one can ever know," adds a California teen. "But what does an orgasm feel like? I don't think that can ever be answered on a universal level."

Your Comments

RE: guys and orgasms

Posted by: DanR on Jul 22nd, 2008 1:59pm

No, not necessarily. Since orgasms and ejaculation are two
different things, it is possible to orgasm without
ejaculating and vice versa. Many young boys will masturbate
because it feels good, but they do not ejaculate because
their body has not yet started producing semen. On the
other end of the spectrum, there are situations where boys
and men will ejaculate, but not reach a full orgasm. I hope
that helps.

guys and orgasms

Posted by: no_name on Jul 17th, 2008 11:19am

do guys have an orgasm every time they cum?

Attraction

Posted by: .nooneknows13 on Jun 19th, 2008 3:13pm

I also think attraction has alot to do with orgasm. Think...
would you be excited if you were having sex with someone who
was pressuring you to do it with them, especially when you
didnt want to do it in the first place? I havent had sex
yet, but i used to be so scared of having sex after i dated
a guy who ALWAYS pressured me. now, i am in a relationship
with someone who i love. and i'm not fearful of sex at
all. i'm kind of looking forward to it, but i'm not going to
be stupid about it.

helping your partner come...

Posted by: Zable Leme on Dec 18th, 2007 10:26pm

one thing that will definilty help you and your partner is
that listen to the noises she/he makes. also, try to read
their body language. if that fails, it never hurts to ask, '
how does that feel?' i know that she loved it when i asked
her 'you like that baby' it also doesnt help talking before
hand about what turns you on. if both of you know what you
like (and dont) then you should have an easier time making
love to each other.

how do i make her feel it: Response

Posted by: StacieS on Jul 30th, 2007 12:09pm

TennisPro91, I know this sounds like the most difficult
thing to do, but it is actually the most simple: talk to her
about it. Every woman's body is different and what you have
read or experienced before as "a mind-blowing technique"
really might just feel ticklish to her. If shs is having a
hard time talking about it ask her very specific questions,
like "the last time we were together what did you like the
most? The least? Was ok and you'd try again? Was something
you could live without?"

how do i make her feel it

Posted by: TennisPro91 on Jul 29th, 2007 11:08am

Me and my girlfriend have been going out for almost a year,
we are going to have sex soon, we both want to, the thing is
i never get a response that i'm pleasuring her when i finger
her or go down on her. I know i'm doing things right
because i've had another sexual partner before her, she
hasnt had anyone else, and i've read up on all the
techniques and stuff, i know what i'm doing. when i do
somethings she laughs and says it tickles. but that's it,
how do i make her feel it like she should.