Can a Guy Ever Say "No" to Sex? Yes.

I can tell you from personal experience that saying “no” to sex really isn’t that bad. The opportunity rose not long ago when a girl asked me if it was something I wanted. I was very flattered, but I wasn’t interested in having intercourse with her (no offense to the girl, of course).

I thought to myself, “Am I going to take the risk of becoming a father or getting a disease when I don’t even really want the sex?” Absolutely not!

I politely told her that it wasn’t something that I wanted, and things went fine from there. Was there pressure? Sure, but overcoming it wasn’t hard at all. Was I embarrassed? Did I feel like I was less of a man? No way! Being a guy who says “no” to sex shows you have the maturity required to properly handle a complex situation.

Saying “No” to Sex

Yeah, it can be tough if you’re just the dude caught in the middle of everybody talking about how great sex is or what they did last night. But sometimes you have to wonder if everybody is telling the truth. Let’s face it: Guys lie all the time to look cooler than they really are. Take the movie The 40-Year-Old Virgin, for example. Remember the poker-table scene? Andy claimed that he’d had sex with tons of women in order to impress his coworkers, but really he’d never had sex. Much of what you hear from other dudes is crap—don’t let it pressure you.

Still, you may ask, why would a guy turn down sex, especially if it’s with someone who’s cute and offering you the chance to do it with no strings attached? Some guys fear that they wouldn’t be able to respect themselves the next morning if they refused an offer like that.

But what about STD’s? What about unplanned pregnancy? Personally, being a father right now would seriously wreck my plans in life. The more I have sex, the more that possibility increases. I’m not going to take a chance.

And what about treating a girl or a guy with respect? If you don’t care about a person, are you going to be concerned about his or her pleasure? Or are you just going to be focused on yourself? Is that fair? Chances are, if you’re having sex when you don’t want to, it’s going to flat-out suck because it’s hard to perform well when you don’t care enough to perform well. On top of that, what if she or he gets emotionally attached, and now wants a relationship? Regardless of the outcome, it’s disrespectful to put the other person in that situation.

Still think you should be pressured into it?

Beat the Pressure

Sex is a personal choice, and no stereotype about guys will ever change that fact. It is important to note that no matter what type of pressure you encounter, there is nothing wrong with saying “no.” Guys are allowed to have a voice, too!

I’d argue that it’s even more embarrassing to let a little bit of pressure force you into having sex with someone you don’t want to do it with. You’re more of a man if you stick up for what you believe in than if you fold under pressure.

Overcoming the pressure to have sex really isn’t as hard as it sounds. If someone makes an advance toward you, just tell that person it’s not something you’re looking for right now, and you’ll be fine. It all comes down to respecting your body and yourself. There will always be pressure on you to have sex, guys. But it’s not worth it if its’ not something you want. You have every right to say “no,” regardless of what a stereotype might say.

Can a Guy Ever Say "No" to Sex? No.

At any time during the day you can flip on the television and find a program that supports the stereotype that men should be tough, macho, and almost completely emotionally removed. I mean come on. Most of the teen drama programs on air at one time or another have a storyline where the lead character can’t be honest about his feelings. Remember Pacey and Andy from Dawson’s Creek?

These same programs also portray men as horny, single-minded and usually the first to initiate sexual activity. And even if a girl is the one initiating the sexual activity, rarely if ever, do we see a male refuse her. That would be social suicide! Remember the main character in American Pie and the foreign exchange student? When he blew his chance, he was called a loser by his peers. This leads to the age-old question, Can a guy ever say “no” to sex and still be considered a “man”?

We’re Trained to Be Dogs

I remember my father telling me, “I don’t want any grandchildren, so if you’re going to have sex, use a condom.” But in that same breath he told my twin sister, “No sex until marriage!” My stepfather even once told me his mother, fearing he was gay because he was still a virgin at 15, said to him, ”If a girl offers you sex, you must not refuse her.” Crazy, and I still don’t know why being gay would have been a problem.

It has been made painfully clear that guys are to regard sex differently than girls. It’s a necessary step on our journey towards manhood. That’s why many of us spend most of our high school years competing to see who can lose their virginity first. Can you blame us? This whole idea of the sensitive male is awfully new. Most girls, and guys, are still attracted to that tough, bad-boy persona, even if the guy is a complete jerk.

Who Wants to Get Stuck in the Just a Friend Zone?

So, how are the rest of us supposed to compete? We can’t be the guy who cares how our partner is feeling or who wishes to wait until we are both ready, when it comes to sex. Because the minute we do—the moment we begin to show we care more about the emotional than the physical—we become unattractive and enter the “just a friend” zone. We become the guy our crush turns to when the “jerk” is not acting right. Either that, or if you’re involved with a girl, she starts to think you’re gay.

But young gay males don’t have it any easier, either. They also find it difficult to say “no” for similar and different reasons. For some who are forced to suppress their sexuality, the moment they attain freedom they get caught up in the club scene and feel they should express themselves physically to the first guy they begin dating. Many feel sex is mandatory because no matter what, guys have sex.

So, take it easy on us. If society allowed us to say “no” to sex without being considered a punk, or less than a man, I believe many of us would say “no.” But the people in our families place ideas in our heads about what makes a man, and the images in the media confirm this ideal. It’s no wonder that many guys are less sensitive to an act that should be deemed special. I believe guys are changing, but slowly. Many of us are beginning to stand up and develop our own ideas of what a man is, but we need you to be patient with us.