“To be intimate with someone is not a matter of gender, but a matter of closeness and level of comfort with that person. Intimacy is a great thing; labeling isn't.”
—Sean, 17, AL
Love. Sex. Tuesday.
Originally Published: Oct 26, 2007
Revised: Jun 19, 2008
 |
 |
 |
 |
When I started going out with my boyfriend on November 21, 2005, I was not in a good place in my life. I had been emotionally hurt by someone I loved. I loved him, but as sweet as he was, he couldn’t return the feeling. I did not think that my new boyfriend and I would last. So, I made a deal with myself. I would stay a virgin until I was 17, on birth control and sure that I loved him.
 |
|
Photo by Rooslan Odessa Creative Commons Attribution License |
Sex Ed in the Dark
Sex is rarely talked about at my home. It is understood that my older sisters are sexually active, but they never talk to me about it. I had to persuade my mom to get me birth control. I told her it was to regulate my period. My mother isn’t a naive woman, and I don’t know if she believed my line or not. A single mother with four girls, however, has to have a bit of a laissez-faire attitude from time to time. She loves me and knows this is important. I’ve been on the Pill for about six months.
I went to a French-Catholic school, and the sexual education class was less than amazing. I could not understand certain things. I did not know what a penis looked like until I watched porn, for example. I was terrified to start my period because I thought it would bring unbearable pain. I know my middle-aged gym teacher had good intentions with the class, but the lectures left me feeling self-conscious and scared. From time to time, I would look at the simply drawn diagram of what a vagina looked like, and my heart would sink. I did not look like that “down there.” Why would any boy want to be with me?
No Random Tuesday
My boyfriend was the first and only person I ever let touch me there. I talked to him about my promise to myself, and he seemed to be all right with it. I do not know any couple who have stayed together for more than a year without having sex. We have. My mom has not told me to wait until marriage and I am not following a religious rule that has told me to wait, either. This is just something in my heart.
When he does ask, “Do you want to?,” I have to ask myself: Will I regret this tomorrow? Is this special? Most of the time, the answer is “no.” But, still, I do not want to lose my virginity on a random Tuesday and then go and eat a bowl of chips. I want candles and I want to wake up next to him the next morning. I want something special. Our relationship is special, and I want our first time to reflect that.
Sarah, a 17-year-old Canadian, is a weekly winner of Sex, Etc.’s recent I’M TABOO Writing Contest. Click here to check out all the teen entries. Want to write a story for Sex, Etc.? Click here!
Your Comments
:D
Posted by: .nooneknows13 on Jun 19th, 2008 8:48pm
you are a hero. truly. kudossss
sounds beautiful...
Posted by: !LOVEorLUST! on Dec 18th, 2007 1:57am
i kno u want to save urself for the right momment and time
but if u think about it it shouldnt matter where or
when..shouldnt the only that would matter is how u feel for
him and if u trust him with urself and that u feel so
comfortable to let urself go with him..im having that
problem too
i want it all free crib chill in the bed after
and jus be with him but alot of people wont have a perfect
1st no matter what so i think u should jus make the best of
it and i think ima follow ma advice!!!!!=D
okay...
Posted by: Alecheeks22 on Nov 21st, 2007 1:46am
its good that shes waiting.. i mean they guy that i lost it
to i thought he loved me but he didnt.. and him and i were
together for 9 months.. and thats all he wanted from me and
once i gave something so precious to him he disowned me. i
wish i would have waited. i do regret it. this gurl has for
real gooodd self control. gurls like her are my heros.
well,
Posted by: L4UR3N on Oct 29th, 2007 5:26pm
you don't always get the candles. and your first time is NOT
going to be the greatest. it never is for anyone, or atleast
any of the people i've talked to. and sex should be
something that does happen randomly, what excitement is
there in planning it out?
thank you
Posted by: mck1537 on Oct 29th, 2007 12:09am
i love this story. it really hits home with me. thank you
for writing it. i think it is really well written and has a
great point.
awww
Posted by: Strawberriiluv on Oct 27th, 2007 10:24pm
Well I honestlii have 2 say if ur readii n u think he is the
one 4 u then do it sweetii,like I lost my virginity a yr ago
wen I was 15 2 my bf,we were both virginz,it was ok,the
first few times of havin sex isn't all that gud,it will get
better I promise ;-)
virginity
Posted by: janfreak on Oct 27th, 2007 7:54pm
It is up to anyone to take that decision, but I don't know
if it is wise. Suppose you first mary and then you find out
your sexlife isn't as good as you wanted it to be. Maybe you
don´t want to divorce, but then your future life will be
very unsatisfactory. Due to reasons enforced only by
religion. And it is not that you follow the dictates of your
heart but the dictates of your ´common´sense.
You Must Be Logged In to Comment
Answer, Rutgers University © 2008. All Rights Reserved.
Developed by MSSG, Office of Information Technology
great story...
Posted by: tikitori75 on Aug 1st, 2008 1:40pm
i wish mine was like that when i lost my virginity.. i was
with my boyfriend for 8 months and we were completely head
over heals for each other. a few weeks later we lost our
virginity to each other. to our 1st love! 2 weeks later, my
so-called friends turned him against me to the point where i
had emotional break downs every night. when i finaly broke
up with him, at 9 months, he said he didnt even want to have
sex with me.. that broke my heart even more!