The Virginity Question

By Cierra Hinton, 17, Staff Writer

Originally Published: Mar 13, 2009

Revised: Mar 13, 2009

Some teens worry because they haven’t lost their virginity, while others worry because they have. They worry not so much because they are or aren’t virgins, but because they know they’ll hear comments like “You’re still a virgin” or “You’re a slut.” No one deserves to be called names or to be judged by their peers whether they’re a virgin or not. I spoke to a few teens about—the virginity question.

OMG, You’re a Virgin!

“I’m 17, male, straight and still a virgin. Sometimes I lie and say I’m not when I meet a girl I like. But when we start talking about sex I get scared that she’ll think I’m a loser or a dork if she finds out I’m a virgin. But if I’m not a virgin then she’ll think I’m a playa,” says Robert, 17, of Florida.

http://flickr.com/photos/kah_devil/2163971986/

Photo by Kah Zanon

Read "Virginity: No Need to Stress" for more about virginity.

You shouldn’t have to lie and say that you aren’t a virgin just to impress a girl or guy. You should be comfortable with who you are, which is easier said than done, especially if you have to deal with comments, like “Oh, my gosh, you're a virgin!”—or worse, homophobic comments because you’ve chosen to wait to have sex. How do you react to that? You really don’t have to react, because it's OK to be a virgin whether you’re a guy or a girl.

But maybe the comments or people’s assumptions that you’re not a virgin have you thinking you should have sex, like Halima, 14 of New Jersey.

“In my school, I’m one of the popular girls and everybody thinks I already had sex. I want to have sex before high school is over just because when I’m in college I don’t want to be ‘the virgin girl,’” explains Halima.

What’s so wrong with being “the virgin girl”? Why rush into sex just because people think you’re not a virgin? Does what they say really matter all that much? Besides, there are plenty of virgins in college; you won’t be the only one.

Enrique, 15, of New Jersey, is a virgin like lots of boys in high school. He is happy being a virgin, and this is what he had to say about not letting the rude comments get to you. “I don't care,” says Enrique. “People can think what they want. People think that I'm weird because I'm a virgin or because I'm quiet. I'm not in a rush to lose my virginity. Hey, as long as I don't get a sexually transmitted disease, I'm good,” he laughs.

If you’re a virgin and the comments get to you, remember that being a virgin is much better than having sex when you’re not ready. And if you’re being harassed in school, talk to a trusted adult, teacher or school administrator. No one should have to put up with harassment at school.

“Slut” and “Whore” Hurt

Whether you’re a virgin or not, having to deal with being called “slut” or “whore” will stress any girl out.

“I have this guy friend who I’ve had a crush on since the fourth grade, and we've done stuff but not a lot. And now everyone thinks I’m easy. People call me a slut, a whore, skank, and it sucks,” says Brianna, 16, of the U.S. Virgin Islands.

Life would be easier if we could control what people think or say about us. But we can’t, and as long as you know the truth, then that’s all that should matter.

Crystal, a 17-year-old from New Jersey, lost her virginity when she was in a relationship and was in love. “People think that I'm wild and crazy,” says Crystal. “Some people even call me names like ‘slut’ or ‘whore.’”

It’s assumed that girls who aren’t virgins are easy. But is that really the case? Do all girls who lose their virginity just want to have sex and give it up at the drop of a hat? Of course not—Crystal certainly didn’t.

I asked Crystal how she feels when she is called these names. She says, “It hurts, but I learn to live with it.”

Wait Until You're Ready

Some people may give you a hard time about being or not being a virgin. I know what that’s like. There will always be people who pass judgment, but you’ve got to be true to what you believe in and not let those people stress you out.

And at the end of the day, the choice to have or not have sex is yours. My only advice to you, whether you’re a guy or a girl, is to wait until you are 100-percent ready—that way, you'll have no regrets later.

Read "Virginity: No Need to Stress" for more about virginity.

Your Comments

its whats right for you

Posted by: vickynicky on Feb 8th, 2010 9:22pm

i think that im a better me for still being a virgin. i dont
walk around like im better than anyone else i just know that
if i wasnt a virgin and if i was all caught up in the want
to have sex than i wouldnt be where i am today with my life

I want to . . .

Posted by: SoConfused-x on Dec 14th, 2009 1:04pm

i really want to have sex, and said to my friend at the end
of the summer holidays that i think im going to lose my
virginity this year. Im 14 and i know its wrong but my
partner is 15 and we want to have sex. He is not a virgin
but i still feel that i want to have sex with him. we have
been together on and off for 5months and we plan to do it in
about 3 months. We will use condoms but am i wrong for doing
this and why do i feel so worried about pregnancy ?

ok im a virgin but...

Posted by: confused_vampiress on Aug 7th, 2009 3:14pm

ok ima virgin but there are times where i wish i wusnt.
sometimes i lie n say im not a virgin cus i dont want guys 2
attaack me constantly..n the bad part is that i go 2 school
next fri n i start high school. my friend nick is a sophmore
n he goes 2 the same school im giong 2 n he kept telling me
that either way if you lie bout being a virgin or not the
guys dont care. n it made me really scared. i dont know wut
2 do. but i gotta face the music either way

slut.

Posted by: lllalla on Jul 28th, 2009 10:04pm

one of my guy friends and i call eachother that as a joke,
because we're both quite experienced. BUT the fact that
eventually it got to other people calling me that made me
choose to stop having sex. Its not bad to be a virgin at
all. i wish i was, so people who feel theyre lame for being
virgins dont. You deserve the most respect.

Posted by: LaceyLingerie. on Jul 28th, 2009 1:04am

I Am 13, And Recently Lost My Virginity With My 16 Year Old
Boyfriend, Because He Has Had Sex With Quite A Few Girls,
People Say Stuff Like "You're Just Another One of His
Sluts." "I Bet You've Shagged Him Already You Whore." This
Really Annoyed Me And Hurt Me In The Begining And I Just
Felt Like Screaming "I AM A VIRGIN",But I'm Used To It Now
Because, They Have Been Saying Things Like This From When I
Started Going Out With Him 6 Months Ago.

virginity

Posted by: memel on Jul 17th, 2009 9:49am

i think it's a personal decision i too have recently lost my
virginity because i felt i was ready im 15 and for me it was
an experience i dont regret im possibly pregnant right now
but it was my mistake and i will get through this and do the
best i can for me and the lil one's life..but safe sex is
great sex..jus use a latex unless u want to be late n have
stress

whore&slut

Posted by: nicoleann on Jul 11th, 2009 5:33am

I have many friends who have been called that. even I have,
many times. I just recently lost my virginity. &i dont
regret it either. Its nothing bad if its with someone you
truely love. I think girls take the words "slut" & "whore"
too litely. They dont understand the damage it really does
to others. Even if its not true, those words cut deep.

Whore & Slut

Posted by: ~Lostgurl~ on Jul 4th, 2009 4:12am

Im still a virgin and people still call me a whore and slut.
Also I know that guys think im easy but im really not. They
look at the little that i've done and asume that there is
more and they just don't know but even if there was y should
i tell them? i learned to just not react, i just completely
ignore it now its like im imune to it. To the gurlz that are
getting called a whore or a slut, ignore it. Thats all it
takes, just don't give them the satifaction, they r prob
jealous. i kno it sux.

whore&slut

Posted by: liliscorpion on Jun 13th, 2009 12:15pm

And it's so unfair that girls get called those names but
boys don't. What makes them have more right to have sex than
girls? That is one of the main reasons why i won't have sex,
i'm too afraid of what others say..

Wow

Posted by: Leilani01 on Mar 16th, 2009 2:22am

Yes... My friends Have been called Those names Or have been
Judged Now I kinda know how They feel