Riding on the New York City subway is one of the scariest things you can imagine. Not because of the crime, but because of all the different routes you can take. It's easy to get lost.

The same is true for being a teenager. 

That's what I was thinking as I sat on the subway, traveling to an interview with teen mothers at the Inwood House, an agency that gives homeless, pregnant teens a place to stay and help figuring out their futures.

I also thought about how many times I'd read about or seen pregnant teens in magazines and on T.V. What a great chance this would be to actually see if the stereotypes were true. This was a chance to get up close and personal with them and ask the questions I'd always wondered about. How does it feel to know you're about to have a child? Are you scared? How is the father dealing? Is he even around? What does the future hold?

 

Regular Girls

 

When I finally got to see these girls, my fantasy of a cozy Q&A session was wiped out. They were not the quiet, sober ones, full of teary confessions that I'd imagined. Instead, the girls I met were lively, animated and energetic -- same as many other teens. They seemed happy, full of wisecracks about themselves and each other. 

One of the expecting mothers I talked to was Tanya, 16, who had recently come to the agency from a group home. Tanya got pregnant at 15. Her boyfriend's in jail. Tanya has no relationship with him and she's barely talked to her mom since she got pregnant. But, the funny thing was, she didn't see herself in a bad situation.

"I'm fat and happy," she said. "I'm happy -- cause I'm gonna be a mother, but I'm scared of the future financial problems."

When I asked if she feared raising a child while she was still so young herself, she said, "No, because I've been raising myself for the longest."

Claire had the same confidence, even though at 18 she has two children -- one of them in foster care. 

"The first time it was planned," she said.

 

Parenting Struggles

 

But plans don't always work out the way you think. Soon after having her daughter when she was 16, she and the baby's father broke up.

Then, the state took away her daughter and placed her in a foster home because Claire was unable to provide all the things a baby needs -- food, clothes, shelter, love and safety.

Claire's second pregnancy was unplanned. But the situation was basically the same. She and the baby's father broke up shortly after she gave birth last fall. She stayed at Inwood House until she had her son. After that, Inwood House social workers help the girls find someplace to live.

Struggling in single parenthood, Claire still has plans for the future.

"I want to go to school and major in business management and psychology," Claire says. "I don't regret having the children, but I regret having them so young."

Claire isn't in school yet. She has to care for her child. And on many days, she simply hangs at Inwood House, visiting her friends who still live there. 

"There is no real plan," admits Elesia Johnson, an Inwood House social worker. "Instead, the girls kind of have this expectation that everything is gonna just fall into place."

I saw this attitude in almost all the pregnant teens and teen parents I interviewed. It's not that they are indifferent to their situation. The tragedy lies in the fact that most girls are simply unaware or unprepared for the hardships of parenting.

No matter how many programs are shown, books written, or pamphlets handed out, teens of all racial, cultural and financial backgrounds continue to get pregnant, maybe because they just can't comprehend the gravity of the situation.

On my way home, sitting on the subway, I reflected on what I'd learned that day. And it came down to this: The New York City subway isn't one of the scariest things. Being a teen mom is.