“Love is completely unselfish. You want the person to be happy, even if it's not with you.”
—Chelsea, 15, NY
Sex Education by Teens, for Teens!
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“Love is completely unselfish. You want the person to be happy, even if it's not with you.”
—Chelsea, 15, NY
Originally Published: Feb 24, 2004
Revised: Oct 25, 2006
“I knew if I had a baby, everything would disappear—my freedom, friends, fun. And I knew I would have to work twice as hard for everything I wanted,” says Jill, a 17-year-old who lives in Vincetown, New Jersey. Still, she let it happen.
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Illustration by Kristen Smith |
And Jill is not alone. Eight hundred-twenty thousand (820,000) teen girls get pregnant each year, according to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, in Washington, D.C. Fifty-seven percent of pregnant teens aged 19 and younger gave birth, and most kept their babies, according to the Campaign. (The rest had abortions or made adoption plans.)
Sex, Etc. interviewed seven teen mothers to try to find out why so many girls became parents, even when they know a child will change their lives forever.
One 15-year-old Trenton teen thought that her pregnancy would improve her relationship with her boyfriend.
“But that was stupid,” Jayne says now. “I thought it would bring him closer, but obviously it didn't.''
All said that, given a second chance, they would wait to have kids. They added that love had overshadowed their better judgment.
“I felt so in love, I didn't care about the consequences,” says Gail, 16, a junior at Burlington County Institute of Technology in New Jersey.
Some girls believed they were invulnerable: pregnancy couldn't happen to them. They also believed that since they did not become pregnant the first time they had sex, it was OK to continue having unprotected sex. (Not true.)
“I really needed someone to care for me, and my boyfriend was there,” says the teen from Trenton. “My parents weren't.”
For others, the focus was the baby; some girls said they felt they were creating someone who would love them and whom they could love in return. The teens who talked about this factor had rocky relationships with their parents.
“My parents weren't giving me the support I needed,” says Jayne.
But other teen mothers did have strong relationships with their parents. Several said that their parents talked to them about sex and even offered to provide birth control, but they did not want their parents to know they were having sex. They felt it was too intimate a part of their lives to share with their parents.
They added, however, that if condoms had been available through another source—schools or local clinics—they would have used them.
None of the teens interviewed felt that they were very mature or responsible when they got pregnant. Yet, the average age at which they became sexually active was 14. All agree now that they were too young at 14 to make decisions that would change their lives forever.
me
Posted by: proudparent2006 on Mar 4th, 2007 3:19pm
i have been a single mom for 7 months now. before i got
pregant me and his father were together but it seem like
after i had him we broke up that is how i found out that he
was not ready for a family yet, so what i am trying to say
is that if u really want to have a kid first make sure both
of u want it plus want the samething as each other
me
Posted by: rachelosman on Feb 28th, 2007 10:31am
iv been a mum for 16 months now and i love every min of it
im not sayin go out and do it im sayin if you r already
pregnant and u r young dont worry what other ppl say or
think remember there is a new life growin inside u what u
have made urself outa love
Me
Posted by: bebeagle on Jun 9th, 2007 4:01pm
Well lets see I am with my bestfriend and we have been
dating for 13+ months, I was pregnant for 5 months and lost
it... 5 MONTHS!! Thats what brought us that much closer.. We
were to have a lil boy, we were going to name him Ruger
Rimmington Hunter Eagle... it hurt my bf more than me. then
on my 17th birthday i found out that i was pregnant again,,
this time with twins,, yes i lost them 2 months later... i'm
soo tierd of this happening... we are ready to have a family
but it just aint happenin