Looking For Love: Teen Girls Tell Why They Became Parents

By Laura Lipinsky, 17, Staff Writer

Originally Published: Feb 24, 2004

Revised: Nov 17, 2010

“I knew if I had a baby, everything would disappear—my freedom, friends, fun. And I knew I would have to work twice as hard for everything I wanted,” says Jill, a 17-year-old who lives in Vincetown, New Jersey. Still, she let it happen.

And Jill is not alone. Eight hundred-twenty thousand (820,000) teen girls get pregnant each year, according to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, in Washington, D.C. Fifty-seven percent of pregnant teens aged 19 and younger gave birth, and most kept their babies, according to the Campaign. (The rest had abortions or made adoption plans.)

Illustration by Kristen Smith

Sex, Etc. interviewed seven teen mothers to try to find out why so many girls became parents, even when they know a child will change their lives forever.

Lifelong Partners?

Most of the girls interviewed felt they had found their lifelong partners and said that love caused them to become careless about birth control. These teens had planned on getting married. So far, only two of the seven interviewed are married.

One 15-year-old Trenton teen thought that her pregnancy would improve her relationship with her boyfriend.

“But that was stupid,” Jayne says now. “I thought it would bring him closer, but obviously it didn't.''

All said that, given a second chance, they would wait to have kids. They added that love had overshadowed their better judgment.

“I felt so in love, I didn't care about the consequences,” says Gail, 16, a junior at Burlington County Institute of Technology in New Jersey.

Some girls believed they were invulnerable: pregnancy couldn't happen to them. They also believed that since they did not become pregnant the first time they had sex, it was OK to continue having unprotected sex. (Not true.)

Some teens failed to grasp the realities of caring for a baby.

“I thought having a baby would be no real responsibility, just something for dressing up and showing off,” says Gail. “Now I know what a huge responsibility it is.”

Affection Factor

Most of the young women viewed having a baby as a way to get affection—either from their boyfriends or from the babies they had created.

“I really needed someone to care for me, and my boyfriend was there,” says the teen from Trenton. “My parents weren't.”

For others, the focus was the baby; some girls said they felt they were creating someone who would love them and whom they could love in return. The teens who talked about this factor had rocky relationships with their parents.

“My parents weren't giving me the support I needed,” says Jayne.

But other teen mothers did have strong relationships with their parents. Several said that their parents talked to them about sex and even offered to provide birth control, but they did not want their parents to know they were having sex. They felt it was too intimate a part of their lives to share with their parents.

They added, however, that if condoms had been available through another source—schools or local clinics—they would have used them.

None of the teens interviewed felt that they were very mature or responsible when they got pregnant. Yet, the average age at which they became sexually active was 14. All agree now that they were too young at 14 to make decisions that would change their lives forever.

Your Comments

Very Rare (contd)

Posted by: chrono2000 on Oct 10th, 2010 7:46pm

like wallpaper in school, hardly noticed. I guess my point
is that guys like me are disappearing, and being replaced by
mindless baboons, who talk about girls, drugs, girls, video
games, girls, and girls(did I say that?). Not girls as in
they're lifelong partner, girls as in sex. I admit that I
talk a lot about video games. Its mostly a guy thing. But I
also exercise the best muscle in the entire body mor than
any other: the brain.

Very Rare

Posted by: chrono2000 on Oct 10th, 2010 7:41pm

I'm a 15 year old guy, coming here to tell you that I'm a
rare case. The majority of teen guys in the world today are
immature "turds" that have barely gotten their head around
the concept that 2+2 is 4. They have no idea what life long
loyalty is. I don't know if I'm rare because I'm raised by
my 60 year old grandmother or what, but I can clearly state
that I hate being associated with the boys of this
generation. Unlike them, I value intellect over brawn. In
school, I'm the type that is...

well

Posted by: deadwomencry on Nov 8th, 2009 4:29pm

i dont see why the outlook of society shuns those who have
children at ages such as 17 and 18 when in 3 to 4 years
which in terms of life is a fairly short time, they woud be
congratulated and be allowed to be excited for their new
life. regardless of how old people are, the chance of a new
child being born should be celebrated. pregnancy is the
absolute best thing that can happen to people who dont use
contraception. pesonally i would rather a baby than an STI

I Am Sixteen

Posted by: LizzyLauren on Oct 21st, 2009 8:02pm

My cousin, who I am very close to, has two children. She is
only eighteen and she ended up putting her second child up
for adoption. She says it has been very difficult for her as
a teen, wanting to be with friends and having a stressful
relationship with her boyfriend, but she does not regret
having her two little girls at all. She says she wouldn't
take it back for anything in the world.

RE: I am 15 years old.

Posted by: DanR on Aug 27th, 2009 2:14pm

It is perfectly normal to be curious about sex. I am glad
to hear that you have done your research and figured out how
many risks can be involved with it. Some people have found
that masturbation is a healthy way for them to satisfy their
sexual feelings. Others have decided the best way to deal
with these feelings is to just stay busy...hang out with
friends, get involved with sports or other school
activities. You have to figure out what method works best
for you. Stay safe!

I am 15 years old.

Posted by: derfergirl on Aug 14th, 2009 3:09am

My sister is 24. She has been married. and still is, but
seperated. She has a a boyfriend. they have known each other
for 3 months. They make out a LOT! and i dont like to
makeout but lately ive been wanting too. and they have had
sex three times that i know of, and for two days now, i have
been feeling the need to want sex. i know all the
conseqences ive looked it all up. but i dont know if its the
feeling of missing out. I dont want to get preg but i want
to do it. what do i do?

Sarah

Posted by: sarahmarie94 on Jan 22nd, 2009 5:47pm

A few times I had that "pregnancy scare." If i wouldve
gotten pregnant I know it would have been hard but it would
have made me happy too. Yes I know Im young but you know
what I love kids/babies and I am completely against
abortion. I am in love with my boyfriend who I have been
with for almost a yea and a half. My mom has a separated
with no contact but were not letting it stop us. We will be
together again.

hes not there

Posted by: Sceen_Queen on Dec 4th, 2008 2:45pm

I am 8 months pregnant with my daughter...her father is now
engaged to my sister and they are planning to start a
family...that broke my heart...sometimes when i think about
them together, i get so depressed, but then my little girl
kicks me as if to say that "hey mom, your not alone" i know
that i should have waited,and i tried...we used condoms and
BC, but this still happened..but still i love my little
girl, and would never give her up

Me.

Posted by: Emily91292 on Oct 13th, 2008 6:44pm

I'm a mom of 16 pregnant at 15. My baby boy is the most
amazing thing to ever happen to me. But trust me, waiting
till your steadly ready for a baby is the best idea. It's
hard trying to balance school, work, friends, and seeing
Jesse.

I'd be the different one of those teens

Posted by: severna on Sep 27th, 2008 12:32am

I've practically raised my neice since birth and paid quite
a bit of her expenses and have lots of experiance. I always
expected that i'd be a single mom so I understand that it
would be hard but I think kids are great no matter how hard
it is take care of them, at the end of the day i'd still
love mine no matter what. Adults are just trying to say that
kids are nothing but trouble. I disagree and that's why I've
decided to wait until I have enough experiance and money to
support them.