You walk out of the clinic and the reality hits you: You are pregnant. Your head is flooded with questions—and maybe even a little panic. What am I going to do? Oh no, my parents are going to kill me.

I can only imagine what it’s like to be pregnant, but what is the reality of teen parenthood for those teens who actually decide to have a baby?

We see two extremes in the media when it comes to teen parenting: the happy, active, working teen mothers with supportive families, like Jamie-Lynn Spears, or the miserable teen moms whose babies end up turning their lives upside down, like in ABC Family’s The Secret Life of the American Teenager. Although parenting is difficult, especially for teens who are still growing up, there is more to being a teen parent than what we see on the surface.

We reached out to some teen parents across the country, including some twenty-something-year-olds who became parents as teens. Read on to hear firsthand what their parenting experiences have been like.

Making Ends Meet

At first, I thought it was going to be easy, but then I needed diapers. I was too shy to ask my parents. [My children’s] dad helped me, but we weren’t together at the time. It’s a lot of responsibility, taking care of them and making sure they’re OK. I have two, not just one, and I have to provide for them both. Sometimes I have to save up coins just to get them both what they need. It’s hard for me, but I have my parents, my children’s dad’s mom and everyone else to help.
—Arlene, 17, CO

I had to depend solely on my parents, because I was just a kid [15] when I had my baby. I am grown now, but I was not able to ever save money, because everything I had went to my daughter. Things are easier now, because I am stable. But I believe I would have gotten to the place I am sooner if I would have just been worried about school and friends—not dirty diapers, crying, day care and making sure my baby had everything she needed before I could even get dressed in the morning.
—Miya, 23, OH

I just got laid off from a job. It's been really hard. I look at her [my daughter] and know that I have to do this for her. I can't wait for something [a job] to come to me. I have to get out there.
—Richard, 20, NJ

If you're going to be a father, you've got to step up and be ready for it. You have to have a job. Otherwise, there's going to be a whole lot of nothing for your child. You want to be successful, so you can make your child successful.
—Brian, 19, OH

Balancing Parenting and School

I dropped out of school and didn’t think I’d finish. But then I started coming to Lester Arnold [a high school with a teen parenting center]. It was a lot easier with day care.
—Samantha, 18, CO

I dropped out of school for a year. I worked hard, and I’m going to graduate on time.
—Talissa, 17, CO

I felt I was going to have to drop out of school, but then I want to get a good education for my son. I want him to be proud to say I am his mother. I have to think to myself that I got myself into this, and I need to learn how to cope with it.
—Cassie, 17, CO

School is difficult now, because I am in college, but I cannot just come home and do homework. I have to help [my daughter] with her homework, too, while making sure she has dinner and everything she needs for the next day. Usually, I don’t start my homework until she is in bed.
—Miya, 23, OH

Surprised by Love

I'm the only father she has, and I didn't want to miss out on being in her life.
—Brian, 19, OH

I'm surprised by how you could love someone so much—by how much you care for and cherish this one person so much. I only want the best for her [my daughter].
—Richard, 20, NJ

 

Growing Up Fast

“What surprised me the most about becoming a parent is the fact that you cannot really worry about you anymore. Everything is about your child and how you are going to provide for them,” explains Miya. This is a theme you hear over and over from teen parents, who do the hard work of providing for their children.

The reality is that teen parenting isn’t glamorous, but it’s not the end of your life either. It’s a huge challenge—a long journey some teens take with lots of support from their families, if they’re lucky.

Be sure to check out MTV’s “Teen Mom” for some real-life teen parenting stories, and browse Sex, Etc. for other teens' experiences of pregnancy and parenting.